Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
