She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
