In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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