I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
