so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
