Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
