So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
