oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
