where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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