So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
