i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
