I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
