im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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