grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sober January is a disaster.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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