Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
