My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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