I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
