i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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