I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
