I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
