Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
