u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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