I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
