my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
PANTIES FOUND
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