im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
