nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
