Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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