oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
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I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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