Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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