these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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