Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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