So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
