What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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