I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
