Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
