This is not my ceiling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
