Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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