I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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