he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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