We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
