I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
