pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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