If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
