My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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