i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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