Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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