I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
