2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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