So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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