Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
