everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
