and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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