after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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