Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
