I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
