The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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