Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
