You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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