it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
