see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
