His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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