Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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