dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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