My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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