Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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