Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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