Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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