Sponge bath it is.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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