TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
