After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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