Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
