Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
