I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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