I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
