I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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