Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
