drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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