none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
