There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
