Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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