Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
