i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
