Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
