I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
