I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
