he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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