Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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