That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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