marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
